Remembering you felt like chewing on tin foil.

It had to start somewhere, maybe from the day we saw a stained glass elephant in the front yard. people living next door to you probably wrote a newspaper articles about their teenage neighbors, silly memories of steinbeck and your favorite movie viva zapata. I hope you understand my eyes water uncontrollably when I disassociate, I don't call it crying, when someone always chiming in. hello. hello. I'm afraid you'd think I use your misdeed for the loss of my former soul. You were begging to the god for your best friend to die young, every minute of the afterward feels like one more tally on my list of worst betrayals. hello. hello. Now your best friend won't be your best friend anymore and you're ripping pages out of the calendar and swallowing january whole sorry about that I heard you also called my dead number 5 years ago. Unblancing equilibrium, the descent into squalor. your mother used to believe in us to grow up together like all the bedtime stories princesses with their happy ever afters but where is the 'after' when you rat your best friend, where is the 'before'. I don't always miss your vent about your stupid tooth and your cracked nails but sometimes they back filling my head and it sickening me. I really hope you know the part in the natural catastrophe movies where all the birds fly away, right before this happen I'd be glad if you think about the word for the plot of land bought to bury someone who hasn't died yet. there should be a way to articulate that the wind looks like it's pushing the ghosts in a swing so I wouldn't be hearing your words spitting fire at my name and soon enough know the curses on your tongue. I am sorry if you cannot understand the mathematics of my grief but you've killed your best friend bygone. hello, freaking hello she bleed of her yesterdays so please don't miss her idiot heart now.


(rinzsu)